Attachment Theory
Primary attachment is the interaction between infant and caregiver whereby the infant's needs are met. This bond sets the tone for the way the baby not only develops physically, socially and emotionally, but how they learn to interpret messages and behave both with themselves and others (their intrapersonal and interpersonal template is based on their early attachment), their ability to manage stress and face adversity, their resiliency, their immune functioning, and so much more.
Securely attached babies become highly functioning adults who have a solid sense of self, an aptitude for building self-awareness, an ability to regulate their emotions, a capacity to give and receive feedback (including opinions and remarks) without crumbling from the experience, and there is a natural drive for self-growth. Securely attached people still make all kinds of mistakes but they are able to take responsibility for them, learn from them, and keep going. Communication and boundaries may still be challenging, but they are an essential part of the securely attached person's life.
Insecurely attached babies turn into adults who have great difficulty with their relationship with themselves, others and the world. They may find it incredibly challenging to make and/or maintain relationships with others, they may act in ways that are confusing such as simultaneously longing for deep connection but pushing people away before they get too close, and/or they may have great challenges making decisions and being autonomous. Communication and boundaries are often times non-existent or barely there.
It can be helpful to understand where you have come from to make sense of where you are today and where you may want to go. Understanding your young self can answer a lot of questions and clarify some confusing behaviours. When you know better, you get the chance to do better.
If you are struggling with some behavioural patterns that you just can't seem to shake, and you know you need to make some changes but are unsure how to do it or what to do, that might be a good sign you could benefit from the support of a registered mental health professional. We aren't wired to do everything on our own. That's why there are people to help.
